Sunday, January 31, 2010

My head wants to explode right now and i want to die too

Maybe, the title above is too scary. But, if you see me right now. You'll trust me. Hhhh, ya ALLAH i want to die and die. That is because all the tests should i have done, all the lessons that made me almost crazy and plus with my mood isn't good right now. Again and again i want to tell "What shoud i do??" You make me going crazy, sure. I'm just a student and i must study, study and study. What the hell??!! I'm so so sorry. But, here i am mom. I'm just a kid who wants to be a happy girl. Always pray for me, mom. I LOVE YOU

Saturday, January 30, 2010

New Game

Hey people, i have a good news for you. I have a new game. I know this game from my friend, Kartika Nur Rachma, grazie tita. Hehehe. Then you must try it, okay. Klik you'll not regret! trust me. And feel the sensation. Buona fortuna :D

Friday, January 29, 2010

The facts

Ummmm, i want to let a few facts to you. Read carefully please.

1. There was someone who was not happy with my presence. With all of what I have achieved, he did not believe that it is the achievements that I can

2. Again and again i get the words 'you don't like what i think' um, why come out again?

Why and why? also why? i don't know why. Hahaha, the conclusion is WHY

I wanted to like this

I want to fly away like a balloon out of this

Or like this woman

I want to be a child again and play like this

Full of color like this

But this is life

Make it easier

Yes, i can! Hope i'll make my life better than before

Day to forget

Yes, today. I really want to forget this day. Because, today is annoying day to me. Sure, i'm really SURE. Because of for a million reasons that happened in this day. I wanna change my mind with a lot of happiness. Wish me luck okay.

Comes from the deepest heart

Hey, I do not know why this week could be said to be the week 'troubled' I. I am not a perfect woman, I am just an ordinary woman who was 15 years old and was in 2nd grade high school (IPA). Actually, I just want to make my parents happy, but somehow there was just a million problems that confront me to achieve it. Maybe this is what people often say that teenagers like me were 'looking for identity'. Well, that's true and I am very aware now. That made me realize was a friend of mine. He said that I was too serious in learning, too much thinking about things that did not matter (that in his opinion). But that's me. I was just a kid who wants to be happy, wants to be loved, want to feel the beauty of life but it is hampered by something called 'LESSONS'. It made me feel being in prison. I seems like a confined inmate. Or it could say that I stuck in my own world of free really. Can you imagine that? Creepy? Hhhh, I can only tell by the writing that I make this. I am not a person who likes to be something that is long-winded. I want everything perfectly achieved. Could all that? I do not think HAHAHAHA. Moreover I have failed in my major subjects. AAARGHHHH !!!!!!!!!!! I wanted to die. Want to hang myself, but I still have faith. I don't wanna die just because of that, but what can i do? I can only cry in the middle of the night when I was on the 'top' to the stress of me. All I can resigned it all to ALLAH. I'm sure ALLAH. Only by praying to ALLAH I can feel the serenity, peace. It's up if ENGKAU want to say I'm whining. But can you experience what I experienced? There will be no one who can understand my feelings right now. I do not understand why everybody can smile over the sadness that he experienced. I'm not like that. I'M NOT THAT. Mom, I just want to make you smile for me. But if I just pass it the class values you can smile and be proud of me? YA ALLAH I return all this to ALLAH, I was trying hard, but if this is what YOU give replies, I have received. Maybe because I am not a good kid. Yes, all do need a process. Being a successful person needs to process. Just like cooking. I do not know how long this process ends. I've lived so long in the process myself. But until now I do not know when all this will end. I want to be a strong woman, just had tears that I spend for this. Enough of all the sadness that I experienced because of this. I want to end it all, but how?
Can you imagine my activities? People say that enough time for sleep is 8 hours. I do not reach it. Every day. I'm afraid if I'm stupid?? or something. I felt I was always unlucky in test grades. I do not know why. Hhhh, only songs that can entertain me. That, that's it.

Touching words

I just found this word while I remedial biology today. These words were only there on a piece of paper that was worthless, but very meaningful to me and made me reflect. Read carefully

You'll never know till you have tried

Experience is the best teacher

Never put off till tomorrow what you can do today

Practice makes perfect

The words listed above so touched my heart, how about you?

Monday, January 25, 2010

Bad News

Hey people, what's up? i have a BIG BAD NEWS for you! Hhhh, last posting yesterday, I said "saya ikhlas" but for this time nooooo. You know why? because, today at 5.30 AM. My brother's motorcycle was stolen by a thief. I'm very very angry. I don't know what should i do. I just can say "Astaghfirullah" yeah, i can't do anything. If i report this to the police, he couldn't do anything. Same with me. In vain is not it? So, i can only surrender to ALLAH. Hhh, but i can't cry now. I must be strong, Okay that's all i can be said for today. FINISH.

PS: "For people who stole my brother motorcycles this morning, whoever you are I just want to say, damn, bastard, curse, damn you in hell! Remember God does not sleep. That's it. (sorry if the words were very very rude)"

Friday, January 22, 2010

Behind the story of abracadabra (and it happened again)

Hey! how's the world? how well do? hhh, i don't feel so. Why? okay, i will tell you more...
First, today there are taking pictures for the yearbook at my school. And I am very angry because there are some people who are not important to tell. I'm mad as hell. Arrrgh, please forget about it. See! if you need my help, I'm not going to help you! I'm sure. Mind your own business do not have to take care of other people's business! You are the most annoying person I have ever met. Forgive me if my words are harsh. But that's what I want to say right now. YOU! I hate you more than anything. Demi ALLAH. Argggh
Second, I was not too upset I just feel very sad with myself. Do you know why? Yes, I can only say that this incident happened to me for the second time in my life. I do not know why. But when compared with the first incident, this incident is not too sore. But it can make my heart stopped beating for a moment. Not because it happened, but because "why did this happen again to me?" Actually (again) I was not too hurt, but until this moment I can not believe how this could happen again. Is this wrong? wrong if I tell something to someone that I trust? Hhh, Ya ALLAH help me. I'm so confused, what should I do after this is all revealed. All the things that I have been told as if it has no meaning, not according to what I had dreamed. I am very sad. I do not know really do not know, dammit! Again and again forgive me for my words are harsh. I do not know what I feel now, I'm very confused. But, here I am. Always make sacrifices for the happiness of others. I hope the things I do this right. I do sacrifice the same as the first event. Again and again have to make sacrifices. Why? if time could be played back. Maybe I should have kept all my stories to everyone. HAHAHA but i think it was not possible because I am not the one like that. I am not a person who can keep a happy story that i have experienced. Especially to people I really trust.
Alhamdulillah. Honestly, from the deepest heart I can say "saya IKHLAS" Uh, what happened has happened. Can not be repeated again. And I try to accept it. Accept that all things happen in my life has become my destiny. Because, "the problem that came to be resolved not to be avoided". From this problem I can learn (again) that "be careful in choosing who you will believe, because that person can make you hurt, too" hahahaha, honestly I can only laugh. Anyway, from this it can be concluded that MAN was not for me (titik).
That above is why why my blog titled "ABRACADABRA" because, all things that happen in my life is like abracadabra. Know why? Because, "ABRACADABRA" is like a magic moment that comes and can make someone's life changed drastically. That's what happened to me. All the things that happened in my life as containing magic. I am sure of it. Okay, done for this. Close the book, and open the page (love) a new and hoping not to get hurt again. Live again from scratch. Start to something new again and try to think positive. Make this a wonderful record of life to remember. Cheers, keep smile guys. I hope this does not happen to you.
The third, you know what?? I cried just because MATH. Hhh, totally honest I do not want to discuss this. I was hurt. Do not want to know, MY HEART HURTS. Exactly.
So, the conclusion is that this week is a very frustrating week for me. Whatever happens it is very annoying. And you know what? Next week is test week. I had to go back forsir my body to learn. Wish me luck, to get good grades ya! There is no remedial, all complete. AMIN

Sunday, January 17, 2010

I miss them

Hello my blog, i really miss you muah. Sesuai dengan title nya ya, saya kangen dengan mereka-mereka ini sama seperti blog ku. Let's see...

1. Putri Paramita Apsari :)

ini muka aslinya setelah make-up dihapus hehe

Dia teman saya dari TK-SD-SMP(walaupun ga satu sekolah)-SMA-Kini.
Saya sayaaang sekali dengannya, dia sangat baik dan care. Dia satu-satunya orang yang bisa dibilang tidak pernah melukai hati saya. Saya punya panggilan berdua dengannya Litoong-Mitoong. right? Terdengar konyol memang tapi ya itulah kami berdua, apa yang ia rasakan dapat saya rasakan. Seperti ada kontak batin ya. Saya hanya ingin share foto-foto kami berdua ini yang sangat saya rindukan masa-masa ini...

Ini waktu males pulang jadi main kerumahnya deh, main PS Lego Batman hahaha, sebelum main PS main di kebunnya dia dulu hahaha

with her cap

ini bunga bougenville, sama kayak alamat rumah gue wehew

lari dari kenyataan haha

bertapa di gua batu :P

Pas ada liburan pengen kerumahnya dia lagi. Tadinya kerumah dia niatnya mau belajar bareng, eh malah jadinya begini lihatlah...

ini foto yang sangat kami banggakan :)

Ini foto pas muka kita belum dipoles sama sekali

Karena saya mengalami ini,

jadi kita mencari kegiatan baru, lihatlah apa yang kita lakukan..

foto pas kita lagi keluar "gilanya" di kamar dia, foto-foto terus hehehe. Tapi aku kangen :'( serius deh. Oh iya ada lagi ini

sok ledom ;D

Foto-foto ini selalu membuat saya tertawa setiap saat, setiap kali melihatnya. Mungkin bagi orang yang hanya kenal mita (luarnya) saja. Kalian harus lihat ini hahaha, serius ini. Kalian tak akan percaya seorang mita "aslinya" begini hehe. LOVE YOU TOONG :D Abis itu udahan deh karena, orangtuanya udah pulang hehe (sebenernya gak masalah sih, cuman gue aja yang gaenak). Yaudah make-up kita dihapus deh jadinya gini hehe

rawr ;p

yes, we are

Seru kaan? pasti kalian iri hahaha, enggak penting. Tapi bagi saya ini penting sekali. Oke lagsung ke orang kedua...

2. Vega Welingutami :)

lidahnya aduuh :)

Kalau bisa dilihat, di tangannya tertulis nama seseorang (her ex-boyfriend). Dalam bahasa jepang itu. Hhh aku tak punya foto kamu lagi ve, jadi yang ini saja yaa hehe. Iya, sekarang dia ketua cheerleader. WOW can you imagine? Until now i don't believe it. Soalnya kan ya dia anak baru dan aku takut dia terluka lagi soalnya setiap dia habis latihan pasti badannya biru-biru akuaku kasihan melihatnya, sabar ya mom muah. Behind the scene... FYI, ini foto diambil pas pelajaran Pkn (kalo ga salah), Ya bila bisa dilihat backgroundnya tembok, itu berarti kita duduknya di belakang haha. Jangan ditiru yaa... tapi muka saya bahagia sekali ya haha. Yeap !

aku bahagia sekali

ceritanya akunya teriak:O

sok bete gitu mukanya haha

Ini saat terakhir HP saya menjelang rusak

Seru ya, kangen deh sama mereka. Oiya karena sekarang aku Anak IPA (belaga) jadi ga bakalan sekelas lagi sama mereka karena mereka IPS dan kalian tahu? mereka sekelas lhooo, kelas kita berdua sebenernya sama cuma beda S-A doang hahaha. Tapi isinya beda banget. Eh, lanjut yuk ke orang ketiga...

3. Tiara Bastari Putri :D

ini foto pas pernikahan ayahnya

Dia adik sepupu ku, memang masih kecil. Tapi kita berdua lumayan deket, jadi kangen dia ;'(
Ini foto pas kita lagi jalan-jalan bareng di mobil

cantik kan?

piggy :B


Can you see them? i really miss you all muah

Hugs and Kisses,

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